HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY

obmar · Site Admin Joined: 14 Apr 2006 Posts: 5697

HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY

Peter Road

At lunch time, sit in your parked car
w/sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors.'

Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."

Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

Sing along at the opera.

Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

Call the psychic hotline and don't say anything.

When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I
Won!", "I Won!" "3rd time this week!"

MORE
http://peterrost.blogspot.com/200...ep-healthy-level-of-insanity.html

Radiate_Truth · Joined: 18 Aug 2007 Posts: 1056

That's cute...

The Inquisitor · Joined: 17 Jun 2006 Posts: 772

I've seen that before and it is very funny.

I like the ones about what to do in an elevator.

Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.

Whistle the first seven notes of It's a Small World incessantly.

Sell Girl Scout cookies.

On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

Shave.

Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: Got enough air in there?

Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

Lean over to another passenger and whisper: Noogie patrol coming!

Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

Censored by your son.

On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go plink at the bottom.

Do Tai Chi exercises.

Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: I've got new socks on!

When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!

Give religious tracts to each passenger.

Meow occassionally.

Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

Frown and mutter gotta go, gotta go then sigh and say oops!

Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

Sing Mary had a little lamb while continually pushing buttons.

Holler Chutes away! whenever the elevator descends.

Walk on with a cooler that says human head on the side.

Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce You're one of THEM! and move to the far corner of the elevator.

Burp, and then say mmmm...tasty!

Leave a box between the doors.

Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers through it.

Start a sing-along.

When the elevator is silent, look around and ask is that your beeper?

Play the harmonica.

Shadow box.

Say Ding! at each floor.

Lean against the button panel.

Say I wonder what all these do and push the red buttons.

Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your personal space.

Bring a chair along.

Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: Wanna see wha in muh mouf?

Blow spit bubbles.

Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

Announce in a demonic voice: I must find a more suitable host body.

Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

Wear X-Ray Specs and leer suggestively at other passengers.

Stare at your thumb and say I think it's getting larger.

If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler Bad touch!

And my most favorite one:

Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!

Cool

obmar · Site Admin Joined: 14 Apr 2006 Posts: 5697

Imagine at the ATM machine, crowded and suddenly everyone staring when the magic word I won, I won, is shouted.

Radiate_Truth · Joined: 18 Aug 2007 Posts: 1056

While having my lottery ticket checked I was worried I'd shout the same, either get robbed by people staring or my name and picture plastered all over the newspaper. Less people that knew I won the lottery (if I ever do win) the better I'd feel.