Death, worms and cryogenics

obmar · Death, worms and cryogenics

Death, worms and cryogenics
Amir Mahmood Razak

In most religions or cultures, a dead person is buried six feet underground after the last rituals are performed. What happens thereafter is anybody's guess, but I suppose one thing is for sure: You end up becoming a meal for creatures that actually live underground.

Like worms.

Call me a wimp but I hate worms. Worms are the reason why I never took up fishing, much to the chagrin of my dad, brother and uncle. I mean, I know worms, like any other creature, have their role to play, but hey É I don't need to play the supporting role, do I?

So it astounds me to see people actually agreeing to lie in a tub and have what must have been 50kg of worms poured over their bodies. The prize? US$50,000 or RM180,000.

There are a host of other ridiculous stunts that are set as challenges: eat some smelly concoction of rotten eggs and maggots, sleep with a million cockroaches, and the like.

That's Fear Factor, another one of the many "reality television' programmes that have been churned out by tv-dom in the Land of the Free and the Brave (that's a subject for another day, by the way). Come on ... just to prove fear is not a factor?

But my pet peeve is the whole worm thingy, because as I said, them slimy things and I just don't gel!

For a chance at the US$50,000 (if you get through the other two stunts), you get to experience what happens six feet underground, after you're dead and buried ... while you are alive!

My guess is, if you die and experience the "underground life', the prize would be even greater; you get to meet The Creator himself. Surely you can't put a price to that?

Think of what you can talk about with Him, questions you can ask!

Like why did He not make the most popular girl in school ever notice you? Or why did He give Bill Gates the idea for Windows and not you?

How come you ended up with a wife that your mother did warn you about? Or why did He ever put the idea of singing into Bjork's head?

And, of course, why did the chicken cross the road?

A great man once said two things motivate people: the pursuit of happiness and avoidance of pain. The guys who went through the experience with the worms felt pain too.

"Does it bite?' asks the host.

"Yes,' cries the contestant.

Excuse me, but you're supposed to avoid pain?

That's the real reason cryogenics was invented. You think the guys who pay an arm and a leg to be preserved using cryogenics were looking for immortality? Come on. Get serious!

After a few years of high school you think you've had enough. After a few years married, you wonder why you did it. After three months in a new job you're looking at options. Get real.

All these people who say they want to be preserved until we figure out a way to breathe life into dead bodies just want to avoid them worms. They don't want to live forever. After 70 years surely you start to think: "When's my time gonna come.'

As for me, I'm too far into my new job now. Let's see. Have you got the classifieds?

Amir Mahmood Razak is the producer and anchor of Astro News, and reckons there'll be plenty of happiness in life if everybody treats failures as a chance to start afresh.